I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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