who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
