WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Are we still banned from the library?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
