We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
