nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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