I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
