i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
