Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
