I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
