My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
