I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's Friday. Sex?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
