And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize