when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
