just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
