dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
