These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
