A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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