I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
