my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
