And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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