you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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