I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
