She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
it's like iHOP with fire
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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