This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
