He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
