Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Randomize
