you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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