he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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