dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I want her autograph on my taint
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
