video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
