When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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