Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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