i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize