Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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