I want to have your abortion
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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