Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
