im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up under a house in Key West
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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