piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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