You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
