So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
