my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
