That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just invented taco cereal.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
