I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
