I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sext me about skeletons
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
