dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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