Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
