I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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