To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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