The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
