Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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