I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
