hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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