the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
