ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
