what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
