do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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