Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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