I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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