I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
