Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
