Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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