Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
