The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
