we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
