She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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