My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
