Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
