My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
