i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
