My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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