youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
now i know why i became what i already was.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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