Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
