I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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